We all like positive emotions and the majority perceives negative ones as something bad, that you need to get rid of at any cost. But our annoyance, anger or fear can be important signals that our subconsciousness sends us. Emotions are the key to understanding ourselves and the best way to goals and senses.
There is a famous saying “The anger of a man who is angry only once in a year is the most horrible.” If you ignore the emotions, the energy that is given to us for the action (for example, to run or to fight in the event of fear), is accumulated inside and becomes destructive.
In recent years, more and more psychologists talk about emotional intelligence – a set of emotional competencies that can and should be developed. For serious work with the emotions and securing new habits we need efforts and time, but the first steps in developing our emotional intelligence, you can start doing right now.
Realize and name it
How often do you tell yourself that you’re angry, discouraged, resentful, anxious, or experiencing tenderness? If you do this regularly, congratulate yourself and stop reading this article. If not – start now. Ask yourself, “What kind of feelings am I experiencing now?” – And write the answer in the language of feelings and emotions. Remembering the events of the past, analyze them from the point of view not of the words and actions, but feelings. Keep a special notebook in which at least once a day you will write down your emotional states that you experienced during the day.
When you realized and named your emotional state, you made some very important things. Firstly, you acknowledge that you feel it – instead of ignoring emotions. Secondly, you take responsibility for what happens (not “it made me angry,” but “I’m angry”), and hence the control of the situation now is in your hands. In other words, you are not an object under influence of a variety of emotions, you became the subject, that is master of the situation. Thirdly, you will remind yourself that anger or rage are not an integral feature of your personality – it’s just a temporary condition that comes and goes, it happens to everyone.
Choose what’s next
When you realize what you feel, it is important to take control of the situation in your own hands. If you control the emotion, you can use this resource for a good business, but if strong emotions control you – the consequences are unpredictable. For example, when we experience anxiety, we want immediately to drop everything and to hide somewhere. But if we are aware of the anxiety and control the situation, we again examine our plans and actions, analyze the weak points and risks. Being calm we may be too lazy to do it, but the anxiety gives us an incentive to action and additional energy.
If you find yourself experiencing an emotion that is considered to be negative, do not hurry to get upset. After you asked yourself “What am I feeling now?” and after an honest answer to this question, ask yourself the following question – “How can I use it?”. What if my feeling would motivate me to prove something to others? Why not to use your angry mood to say the last “no” to a person who has long enjoyed your kindness?
Decrease emotional flow
If you understand that you can’t cope with your emotions, it’s important to relax, reduce emotional flow, to be able to think clearly. Here are simple, but quite effective methods:
Drink cool water. Remember that stress – is the physiological response of the body and the water regulates metabolic processes, cools in the literal and figurative sense. In addition, the procedure may serve as a “switch”. Drink slowly in small sips, focusing all your attention on the process.
Breathe. In stressful situations, our breathing quickens, or stops, as if we completely cease to breathe. Normalizing our breathing, we normalize our state. Take a few deep breaths, if possible, close your eyes and concentrate full attention on your breathing. If you want, you can switch on your imagination: imagine how with each breath in you are filled with something pleasant (heat, sunlight, fresh air), and with every breath out all the unpleasant sensations and emotions go out (like black or gray smoke) .
Move or walk. Exercise burns negative perfectly. And if you count your steps, breath, clapp in a certain rhythm, or perform any other activity that requires concentration, your mind will be forced to escape from the unpleasant thoughts.
DO self-massage. Even if you know nothing about human anatomy and reflexology, there are some simple techniques that are available to everyone in almost any situation. Rub your palms and fingers. Close your eyes and put your hand on you forehead not lowering your head. Also, bioactive points, the impact on which reduces stress levels, are situated above the upper lip and a lower lip, strictly in the middle. Massage each or both together for 2-3 minutes.
Analize and make conclusions
When you become aware of your emotions and choose the mode of action, be sure to go back to the situation and analyze it. What did cause the rage? Were there real grounds for anger? Did my interlocutor wanted to hurt me or is he just badly brought up and misinformed? Did I provoke such a reaction of the interlocutor? What other behaviors exist in such a situation? Do I always in such cases react this way?
Unfortunately, people do not usually return to the thoughts of negative feelings, but try as soon as possible to forget it. As a result, instead of invaluable experience and new knowledge about themselves, they still have feelings of guilt, shame and frustration. But if you take it as a rule to regularly review your emotions, after a while you’ll replace the automatic reaction to a conscious choice of behavior.