Life

Do not live for the sake of the children

I beg you, do not live for the sake of the children! They don’t only need it, but it’s also bad for them … How many broken lives, broken hearts and misunderstanding it causes! I saw women who give up everything in life for the sake of their children. And then I saw those children. The spectacle is a sad …
Mom raised Timmy alone. She never married, invested all in her son, bought him a house, payed for his studying at a university. He became a wonderful,  successful man. but now he’s fifty. He has never been married and has no children. All his life he tried to regain his debt to mother. It did not work.
Susie’s father worked day and night for the sake of the children. He had big plans – especially about his daughter. She was capable. And he dreamed that she would become a doctor. He payed her university. But she refused. She wanted to live her life. Differently. She wanted to become an artist. Then dad tried to bring her to reason – and sent her a bill. He included everything: costs for school, university, clothing, food. And demanded the money back. Susie left home. It has been over thirty years since that day …
Anny’s mom gave up her privae life for the sake of daughter. After the divorce, she did not go out, didn’t date anyone, she was afraid to hurt her daughter. The daughter grew up and can not leave my mother. She doesn’t date anyone. She can not even admit the idea to leave her mother and to live her life. Ann is forty. She have never been married. No children.
Sam is an autumn leaf. To tell the truth, his mother simply despaired and decided not to wait for the prince  and to to bear a baby for herself. She decided that via Sam her will dreams come true. She was trying to make him a prodigy child. She took much care of him. He studied several languages, attended many circles, played the harp … His mother was proud of him. Harp – it’s very exotic! Now Sammy is over forty. He’s divorced. His children are brought up by another man, but Sam doesn’t mind. He still does not know what he wants from life. He did not become a prodigy child. He gave up. Now he just drinks alcohol. His mom already does not see this.
When a child becomes a sense of life, it’s too hard for him. Its like to put him in a room where there’s no much air. First he can live, but gradually he starts choking. Choking in such love and care.
The child can pay these bills forever. Or he can protest… Few can understand and accept the attitude of parents. Accept and understand that parents sacrificed their own lives, their interests.
So I beg you, do not live for the sake of the children! Find a different meaning of life, find another meaning of motherhood and fatherhood so that little boys and girls who come to this world not became hostages and victims of your “charity” and guardianship.
Love your husband. Children will grow up, but he will stay with you. You can give an example of the relationship to your children so that they want a family and children. And you can take this desire from them, if you are obsessed with children’s problems, ignoring the needs of your husband.
Love yourself. Do not forget about yourself in the race for the children’s happiness. Do not give up the dress for the sake of a new toy-robot. Do not change your beautician for a tutor. If you do not take care of yourself, what can you give to others then? What kind of example? What love?
Look for the meaning of life beyond the material layer. This life will end one day, even if we do not want to think about it. Spiritual practice, religion, prayers … You can get strength from there, instead of taking it out of your children.
Give your children the opportunity to live and breathe. So they can grow and develop. Our role as parents is simple: to water in time, not to cover from the sun, to protect when needed. And then the child just like a flower has to blossom, to live his life and to cope with his life problems.

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