I often meet people who are 20, 30, 40 years old, but it’s only appearance. But inside they remained in early childhood and are still waiting for love, which then didn’t receive being children. And stay there untill they learn to find satisfaction in themselves.
We stay at an age when we felt not enough love.
In every age children need care and love of parents and every year this care has its own characteristics.
As an infant, the child begins to develop trust, so the love for a child means his mother cares of his needs. If at this age the mother was unreliable, and rejected the child, he can develop suspicion and concern for his well-being.
In adult life such people are hard to make contacts with, in relations they often subject partners to testing and checking for trust. Such people in a relationship may feel helpless and vulnerable.
A little later, at the age of 2-3, the child learns to be autonomous and develops self-control. If the parents hinder the development in these areas, for example, eagerly and persistently do what the child can do on his own, or, on the contrary, expect actions that the kid can’t do himself, they develop a sense of shame in their child. So the child begins to have a doubt in his ability to control the world and self-control.
Being adults, these people instead of to be sure, think that they are being watched with suspicion and disapproval. Also they can have obsessive-compulsive symptoms or paranoid fear of persecution.
Love for a child of 3-6 years is to encourage independent actions, to support the initiative, to recognize the right to intellectual curiosity and creativity. If the parents during this period do not allow the child to act independently, excessively punish him in response to his needs, they develop a sense of guilt.
And then in adulthood such a “big” children lacks motivation and determination to set realistic goals and achieve them. In addition, the constant feeling of guilt can cause passivity, impotence or frigidity, and psychopathic behavior.
At a school age children form diligence. If during this period parents doubt about the ability of the child or his status among his peers, this may discourage further study and may form a sense of inferiority, which subsequently kill confidence in his ability to function effectively and to exist in the world.
If children consider school achievements and work as the only criterion by which they are judged for their merits, in adult life they can become a “labor horse” in the established by society role hierarchy.
I offer a helping hand to your inner child and help him grow. To do this, find your child’s photo or just imagine a child that lives in you. How old is he? How does he look? What is he thinking about? Who is next to him? What is bothering him?
Talk to him.
Take a sheet of paper and two pencils of different colors: one in the right arm, the other – in the left. If you are right handed, the right hand writs on behalf of yourself, adult, and left – on behalf of your inner child. If you are left-handed do vice versa.
There are just two in the dialogue: you and your inner child. Who will start first? How do you start your communication? Responses to the questions may be surprising for you.
Now, when you entered into conversation with him, it’s time to establish good relationships with him. Communicate with the child inside as much as he wants. Ask what he lacks. Give him what he asks for. Call him by his name, tell warm kind words to express your love. Advise him something.
Be to him such a parent which you need then.