Why a man wants to be with one woman, and isn’t ready to be with any other? The answer actually is very simple and obvious.
My mother gave this answer a lot of years ago, when a friend of mine was worried that no one wanted to marry her , mother, said: “Because the wife is a person to rely on, not a burden. And what a support are you? And you’re only a burden. That’s why nobody marries you. Why would anyone want an extra burden in his life? ”
A discouraging and not very pleasant truth, but what can we do? Life is life.
So why do some men choose women and ignore others? There are two simple rules and the two are basic.
First, the apophatic one.
Mom’s statement is very true. After a short period of adolescence, when hormonal teenage complexes work instead of the brain, normal man suddenly sees that the he doesn’t need a woman. Well, not completely, but women are not his main purpose in life.
The man at some point realizes that his success in life is not determined by the length of legs of his girlfriend or by her breast size, though it’s perfectly complemented by them. It is much easier and cheaper to choose an interesting book than a hardly understandable woman. He understands that even without sex life in general is possible, but not without money, friends, or his favorite music.
Constant need it in the women’s support, women’s approval, is a sign of a weak man. A womanizer in most cases is a coward and that is why he infinitely proves that he is a stud. A normal man doesn’t need a woman as such. (Actually, please remember that a dependent man uses the phrase “I need you”. And he needs not you, but a mother and an object for approval in you.)
No, it’s better, of course, he has a woman, even much better, especially if it’s the right woman.
In the long run, multiple observations confirm the reverse fact that as soon as a girl ceases chasing men and begins to finally deal with herself, changing her approach to her life, then, as a rule, all her problems in her personal life quickly and clearly get solved. A little bit of beauty and sanity are enough with the right attitude for life.
So the first important rule: don’t prevent the man of his business, or even become its useful part. Do not be a burden for him. And it is not necessary to be a coach in his sport or an accountant in his firm. It is much more important and useful, as practice shows, to inspire and to support. As one writer said, ‘the right woman sees her man to work, as to war, and meets him from the work, as from war, and in the rest of the time she does not pay any attention to him.’
The second rule contradicts the previous, but… be yourself.
Engaging in the business of others, don’t dissolve in it. In other words an alcoholic will never leave an alcoholic and a womanizer won’t give up the woman that “has decided to ignore him.” And in general, marriage on the verge of divorce is the most durable and there’s nothing more stable in the world than indifference.
If you begin to adapt, changing yourself, an adequate man will instantly feel stress or manipulation and quite naturally he will begin to escape from this awkward relationship.
Because a normal person, regardless of gender, distinguishes a deep relationship from a functional one. A person needs a person, and the performer of the social role (“fighting friend”, “lover”, “comforter”, “life partner”, “caring one” and so on) is not too difficult to substitute. Including the performer of the role of the wife. Only genuine is forever.
However, for the genuineness we have to pay by instability: a living tends to evolve. But this is not a great price. Because except from the chance not just to be together for a long time you will be able to live with someone you love, and not just “interact more or less successfully.”